If you go for a dog or cat, realize
this: you are committing yourself to thousands of dollars of maintenance,
vet bills, food, medicine, repairing torn curtains and soiled carpeting, replacing
scratched furniture, and on and on. Don't get me started on fleas ... or ringworm!
The way I figure it, you can just about get a car for the lifetime amortized
price of one cat. And your car will probably love you more.
Also, don't buy into that talk about
rabbits making good pets. I worked on a rabbit farm. The main reason they
had for living was to try and pee on you long distance while you were working
by. Although they do make a very tasty sandwich.
Guinea pigs? We had a bunch when
I was a kid. They turned cannibalistic and ate one another. I felt compelled
to euthanize the survivors. I still have nightmares about the experience.
Chickens are kinda cool because
you can "hypnotize" them by laying them down in the dirt, drawing
a line in the dust in front of their nose. They will stare at it for at least
15 minutes, which is usually long enough for you to go get a sharp ax. The
really good part about chickens is that they taste a lot like chicken.
Goats? They were the bane of my childhood.
One tried to spear me with his horns once as I was in the process of getting
bucked off by a horse. A big flaky piece of horn went up under my thumbnail
and I thought I was going to die. My parents used to make me milk them. They'd
always wait until the pail was almost full ... then step in it gleefully.
Cows? When I was a kid we had a
cow I really liked named Bessie. She threw my brother into a feeding trough
and split his head open. Since I often wanted to do the same I felt an affinity
to Bessie. Unfortunately one day my dad hired a man to come out and shoot
her. That night we had some really nice steaks, but as I chewed on them all
I could think of was Bessie's big, brown eyes staring at me balefully. Kinda
sad. But she made the best burgers (hey ... "Bessburgers!") I ever
Finally, turtles. We once had
a turtle named Heath. Unfortunately one night the racoons came and ate three
of his legs off. We had great entertainment watching him swim around in circles
Well, as you can tell I really
don't have much advice about pets. They have brought us a lot of humorous
moments. Like the time our cat launched a lightning strike attack against
a bird on the back porch ... and ran headline into the sliding glass door.
You couldn't pay for that kind of entertainment, right?